pre race thoughts

It's 4am here in Clearwater and I have been up for about 10 minutes. It's so strange to be in this hotel by myself. I have 2 beds, a kitchenette, bathroom and living room to myself. All for about 60 per night. My poor friends over at the Hilton (about 2 feet away) paid 215 a night.

It's quiet in here. Im used to needing the full hour to get ready. Nope. All I have to do this am is throw on my clothes and go to the race. I might have to consider this "my own room" thing in the future. (disclaimer: for those coming to Longhorn I will still make the hotel arrangements but I won't be even looking until after Dec 5th so please don't freak out),

I think part of my relaxed attitude is the 12 years I have been at this. I have literally been there and done that. I am not looking to make a mark, but looking to make my way back. And then some. What I realize is that this is a stepping stone to what we are going to do in 10. Coach said I have made a lot of sacrifices in the last 6 months. I hate when he says that. I committed to this. A sacrifice is donating a kidney. This isn't a sacrifice, this is a privilege. We are really just a bunch of yuppies running around.

You can come to a race like this.... a world championships and get caught up in the hype. Everyone here is fast. Everyone here looks fit. Some of the girls yesterday were really nervous, like their mortgage depended on how they did in this race. I just don't understand what there is to be nervous about, unless you let yourself get nervous about the uncontrollable. Flats, dropping things, a swim course we are not sure of. You give that stuff your energy and what do you race with? How do you even enjoy it? You can't compare yourself to others here. I have an extremely different body than most. I don't worry about it. I perform well in my body, they perform well in theirs.

I have a plan for those uncontrollables. I flat.... I fix it. I drop something...... I keep going. It's about dealing with whatever crops up. Just like we do in life. I am not one to lie awake in bed and worry about things. Last time I checked .... worrying solved nothing. Action solves things. So rest and gather the energy needed to get out and do.

When you come to this race checking in your bike is a process. It's different from Placid. You wait in line at bike check in until a volunteer is available to escort you to your rack. The they escort you through the tents and to the bag drop off. I chatted with my volunteer and thanked her for being there. She told me I was her first age grouper. She had only checked in the pros and they were cocky. I smiled. Man, these guys have to get a clue.

The run from the swim exit to the bikes is long. Maybe longer than Placid. Then we run through the gear bags, which are all on the ground rather than on hooks. I have a good spot and no athletes are allowed access to gear bags this morning. I am glad because put a bunch of athletes kicking bags around and mayhem occurs, We have access to bikes only. So if you see a long T1 time that's why. We go through gear bags and then into the tents. All I have in the bag is a helmet, sunglasses and a race belt. Shoes are on the bike, which was allowed.

Run bag, just shoes, gels and Garmin. No hat this time. I bought a visor and it's too tight. I have been racing sans hat or visor and it works great. I wonder how many people will stop and wait for their Garmin to "locate" in T2. I just turn it on and press start. It will catch up.

I like my pacing goals and wattage's. I think we finally have nailed the wattage.

Well, it's time to go team, Thanks for "listening" to my pre race thoughts. Thanks for watching on ironman dot com (just a 70.3). It seems they will send us off by numbers. I am listed first in the program with a 1049 because I qualified first. Waaaaaaayyyyyyyy back in October of 08.

A lifetime ago, eh? I remember looking over at Kim at Austin 70.3 nervous that I wouldn't get this spot. After what I had been through that summer getting to this starting line seemed almost impossible. Hell getting to that finish line almost didn't happen.

But we did it, didn't we?

Thank you guys so much. I cant convey the gratitude that I feel right now. It's time to go have some fun. Today I get to swim in the ocean, bike and run in the sun. With 1700 of my closest friends.

See you on the other side.

changes

If there is one thing I have learned from my father.... it's to not sweat the small stuff. The stuff out of my control. In fact it was him who taught me from an early age to always find the best in every single situation. It's just not my nature to worry and fret about things that are beyond my control.

Which is why when it was announced that the Clearwater 70.3 swim course has been changed and that the race has been changed to a time trial race..... it didn't phase me a bit' Sure the waves aren't that big, apparently the current is, the race management team will put into place the plan they feel is the safest.

How does this time trial work? I am not too sure but at Ironman Louisville you kind of just line up, and file into the water. It takes a while, but my wave was scheduled to begin at 7:35. If takes an hour to file 1700 athletes into the water, then it takes an hour. You can arrive super early and reserve your place in line, or you can just follow your plan and stick with that plan, and race your race.

That's all you can do. Wasting energy worrying about it.... isn't going to help. Besides I have a sick little boy back in Rochester that's been preoccupying my mind, this is only a race after all. Of course the moment I leave he gets sent home from school sick for the first time this year, wheezing.

He doesn't wheeze or have asthma.

And Curt... he's by far father of the year. For the past 2 days he's managed single parenting a sick child while working from home, dealt with getting to doctor appointments and coercing said sick boy to get a shot..... oh man Curt Eggers is by far father of the year. All hell literally broke loose when I left.

And the man's got an Ironman in 9 days.

When that starting gun goes off he will think: FREE DAY TO MYSELF!

But between now and then it's time to kick back, put up my feet, and race a race tomorrow. It's the World Championships and the best of the best are here. I am so excited to get out there and have a great time, and now that we've got a time trial start..... I am super excited!

The time trial start, as proven at IMLOU will ease up the unbelievable congestion on the bike course. Sure it will be crowded but unless you have ever raced this race then you do not get it. This isn't like IMFL or Eagleman..... this makes those look like there is no drafting anywhere. I do not blame the competitors as I do the course design. Put the best of the best on a course starting together..... they are going to be together out of the water and on the bike. Simple fact.

The sun has come out, the wind is dying down, and the race management team is working their magic. It will all run smooth, it always does. Worrying only wastes energy. Focusing on my race and my plan is the only way I will go.

Here's to a fun day tomorrow!

All is well here in Clearwater. A bumpy flight with wi-fi, thanks Kim A. for keeping me company online while I was flying down the east coast!!!!! I ran into the Kellmans on the way down, and we shared a cab ..... thanks to Karen's incredible bilingual skills we made it to Pier 60 in one piece.

I got myself checked in, ran into some friends, did some shopping, hit the grocery store, assembled my bike, and took a little spin. Whew.

The remnants of the hurricane are seen in the form of the wind. The water didn't seem choppy but apparently the conditions in the ocean aren't all that good. At tonight's welcome dinner it was announced that the Friday morning swim would be cancelled and there would be potential modifications to the course on Saturday. We will either swim in the ocean, swim in the harbor, swim shorter or not swim at all.

While I would hate a swim to be cancelled, I am okay with however this rolls. The race management team knows what they are doing and they will choose the safest route. I have a race plan and I can adjust to anything. I'd hate a duathlon but won't let that affect me. I will take the race as it is presented to me on race day.

I did get to go to the welcome dinner with Upstate NY's man crush Matt M. and Syracuse's Kristen O, who is looking good and fir and ready to rock and roll. We had a great dinner although we froze. FROZE!!!!

It's cold. I am ready for cold!

I am staying in the neatest little hotel which is about one minute worth of walking to transition. Right by the Hilton. It's run by an Englishman named Kerry. He's the kind of host who knows all of his guests. In fact he and some of the other guests are out at the pool grilling freshly caught fish and drinking wine. While I was assembling my bike an elderly man named Lou and his wife sat down and we all chatted. About life, about travel..... they weren't triathletes .... and that was what was cool. I am in the best possible pre race place.

Yes everyone here has their game face on. Me, I am the odd girl who is smiling and saying hello to all. I am the girl who looks strangely excited to be here.

Because I am.

My smile.... is my game face.

I thought about an email Amy K sent me this week...... last time I checked only about 2 people were making a living off this sport...some people take themselves too seriously .. and I was reminded of that today. Smile people, this is the world championships! You worked hard to get here, enjoy this. Enjoy this opportunity. It's a privilege not a right! Have your game face on for sure, but don't forget to enjoy this.

It's all opportunity. That's what I feel tonight.

The swim will work itself out. The race will unfold in the safest possible way. Either way I get to share a course with the world.s best athletes. And I will have the biggest smile. Trust me on that one.

Tomorrow: a complete rest day, a day off my feet. I will hang at the hotel and I will relax, and get ready to have the race I am meant to have!

preparing for departure

Hurry up and wait. At least that's what it feels like when traveling. Hurry and get to the airport, hurry through security, and then stop. Wait. we are 90 minutes from departure. Thank you Air Tran for having such a great bike flying policy..... when the ticket agent complained that he'd have to "Lug this thing to security" i said to him..... dude it's a girl's bike! Always making new friends!

The week went well. I had a bit of a dental emergency that took away any pre race nerves.

The long term benefit of having an eating disorder (although I have been recovered about 15 years) is the subsequent dental damage you sustain. I was scheduled to begin my third mouth reconstruction in January, and that's been moved up!

You kill your teeth with Bulimia, especially the molars. You strip the enamel off of all of them. Having this all repaired is expensive.

This week one of my crowns broke and I had the most incredible pain. I rushed to the dentist who determined said tooth needed to come out. Next Wednesday. OMG. I came home screaming and crying it hurt so bad. Labor.... not this bad. Curt called and got me an emergency appointment at another office, same company for an immediate extraction.

However as the pain subsided I realized the tooth to be taken out was not the painful one. It was the one two behind.

I arrived at the different office and somehow felt like English was the second language of every single person there. The hygienist seemed to have a Russian accent and could not understand as I explained to her that while I thought I was there for an extraction...... the pain was coming from a different tooth. she kept telling me she didn't understand my English.

Interpreter ANYONE? If you come to our hospital and don't speak English we use a special phone to help you translate. I was about to ask for that phone here.

Enter dentist.

With a thick Indian / Middle Eastern accent.

Oh man.

It took me several minutes and begging him to just let me explain slowly from the beginning. Finally he stopped and he listened. We didn't need an extraction. I needed a root canal.

Whew.

Only in my world would I view a root canal as a relief.

Problem was: couldn't do the root canal today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime in the next 2 weeks. I will be gone until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Which is fine because before a root canal you have to be infection free.

And might I just add that I am meticulous about my mouth. I brush three times a day with prescription tooth paste, a special brush, and I floss twice a day. So the fact that I have an infection is irritating.

They don't tell you this stuff in eating disorder school! Or how much it costs. Even with good dental. Don't steal my bike..... steal my mouth.

They write me a script for 2 weeks worth of antibiotics. I am relieved to not have a dental surgical procedure before a big race. The pain is gone with a good loading dose of the antibiotics. I listen to my dentist slam my other dentist for missing this. They work for the same company, what teamwork!

I am then sent to checkout to realign the plan of action. Root canal first, then extraction, bridge, and then month by month through 2010 I get a new mouth by 2011. I ask if it's possible to just yank it all and get implants.

The girl who handles the appointments and does the billing speaks primarily Spanish. She tells me her English is not good.

Where am I? Where is there a blue interpreter phone?

Finally I leave the international house of Dentistry feeling much like I have just left Germany. Tired from thinking. Tired from hearing about how much damage I have done to my teeth.

You should have seen my heart 15 years ago... is what I want to tell them. And my esophagus. Among a few other luxury remnants of 10 years of vomiting.

But I chose the disorder, and I have to deal with those consequences. That's life.

If I were a dentist I could have a business called Yank-This. It's a thought at least.

So here I sit at gate A2. I got to see my friend Wendy as she boarded her plane minutes ago. I hear there is wi-fi on my flight. Probably 8 million bucks but I might pay for the ability to say YO from the sky.

Many updates to come, I can't wait for the beach!

the golden day

Today is Luc's "Golden Day". He's 9, on the 9th in 2009. Happens once in a lifetime for a few lucky souls, and we are certainly celebrating. This afternoon I brought in cupcakes to his class. I adore these boys, I adore this school. I adore every person in it. What a change.

K.O. from the 'Cuse and I keep emailing one another, as we are so excited for Clearwater. I am gluing on tires, cleaning my bike...... did you get in to IMFL...... Our son's both have birthday's this week and I don't know about her but thanks to the Core..... the sight of frosting makes me feel sick.

I am excited, I am ready and I am feeling such a wave of gratitude that it's overwhelming. I will be signing off for a few days just because I have an exam, packing, birthday celebration. Once I get to Clearwater I promise to write a bit. It's the World Championships and I honestly believe I will be the girl there who is smiling ear to ear.

I really need to again say thank you.

• To all of you whom I have and have not met. For stopping by to read about not so much, for leaving kind thoughts and words in the form of a comment or email. The support of this community has meant more to me than anything. If you are in Clearwater I will be in QT2 gear, and I am the only one who will be there from the team so please do not hesitate to say hello. I don't care if we have never met, we are connected and we are friends.
• To the Train-This team, for being you. I can't believe that an entire group of strangers has become such family to me and to my family. We've shard a lot, most of it goes unnoticed to the general public. But I know.... that you know...... that I know..... that we know.
• To Jesse Korpelnicki of Quantitative Triathlon Systems. For taking me on when you did not need any more athletes, for seeing something in me when I did not see it in myself. For teaching me and for helping me find my way back. For guiding me not just to this race but to see what is possible in 2010. My gratitude towards you and the entire team is more than I can explain.
• To Curt and Luc, my life. My entire life. For living and sharing and laughing. for enduring the best of my life with the worst of my life. For kicking me out the door when I was tired. For hugging me when I needed hugs. For laughing and keeping everything in perspective. For being my life.

Thank you all so very very very much. To those who are traveling ..... safe passages....... don't forget that if you are in Clearwater I will see you on Friday morning at Pier 60, at the swim, at 7:00 am.

It's go time!

beach party

My heart jumped as I clicked submit. Confirm. Agree. Yes, sign me up. One year in advance. Waiting. Waiting. Processing....... congrats! I am in for Ironman Florida 2010, along with 6 of my buddies. We are headed to Panama City Beach in November of 2010 to tackle the biggest athletic goal I have ever set for myself.

Its a goal that the Wizard came up with. It's not going to be easy, it's going to be so very far from easy. We've got a year, I am with the right coach, on the right path and I have no doubt that we will be able to do it. It won't matter to you what the goal is, it only matters to myself and to the Wizard. It will be the biggest thing I have ever done aside from taking on my fifth Ironman. I am reaching the highest I can possibly reach and I am looking forward without any doubt at all.

But first I have another beach party to get to.

I depart on Thursday and I am so very excited I just might explode. The work is done, the miles are soaking in, I feel very strangely...... good. Not sore, not tired, in fact I feel somewhat under trained!

Bottom line is that I am healthy. It took em a long time to get here and as was pointed out to me it's really the platform from which we are then going to launch off of. I had been thinking Clearwater was the ultimate goal yet I have been told to see the forrest beyond the trees.

In just a few days I will touch down in the sun and on the beach. Please ask mother nature to rain and blow wind, or else turn up the heat. Just a little hotter please dear. I am coming from the north, and I have not been tanning, and I could use a little vitamin D. My garage is cold and grey and the light bulb does not replace the feeling of the sun on my back.

I am ready to swim, and bike and run. With a smile and with my friends. I am ready to make the reach and trust that I will be able to. While handling the small items along the way.

However between now and take off we have some partying to do. My little baby turns nine tomorrow and festivities kicked off this afternoon with a birthday party. We go karted and played golf and the kids played in their shorts with the sun on their faces. The week long celebration has just begun.

Because you see Luc..... he's had a rough year as well. Many of you have journeyed through that with us. Thanks to us fighting the fight and standing up for children like Luc...... he's in the right school. He's learning, he's singing in the chorus, he's even taking shop (I can see Luc's former teachers now..... this kid handles a damn saw.... HA TAKE THAT B****!). The smile on his face when he was sung to made me cry.

We are in a good place. I can't thank you all enough for the support you have been so generous with throughout this past year. Just stopping by to share, dropping a n email, comment, call and a card. Throughout this year of healing we all have felt such incredible love and friendship and support.

And that is bigger, deeper and co much richer than any trophy I have ever won in my life. So I thank each and every one of you who have shard in the healing.

Stick around..... 2010 is going to be a great one!

6 more wakeups

This is the gang at Clearwater 06!

As we transferred sites my blog roll vanished! I will bring it back this week! I am very into you! Blogs are my daily news, my way to connect with people! If you'd like to be on it leave me a comment (I won't publish it) or shoot me an email. It's time to refresh the list anyways!

6 more wakeups.....

Actually five more wakeups until I hit the beach. Clearwater beach and Pier 60. The funny thing is when you walk out onto Pier 60 is that you have to pay a fee to walk all the way out. I will pay to walk all the way out.

At the end of every yoga class that I teach I read a meditation from a book, I have used this book for 5 years and it's in shambles. Yesterday's reading was about eternity. How the ocean reminds us of the eternity of the universe. Yes.... that's exactly it for me. I love the feeling of realizing I am a small part of a much bigger picture. We can be very focused on the small tasks in our lives, the details but when we step back and look around us we realize how small those really are.

Coming back to Clearwater is extremely important for me. Many of you have taken this year long journey with me and remember the head injury I sustained at Ironman Lake Placid in 2008, the 3 months of healing from that and during that healing the bike crash that left me unable to walk much less run for a few weeks. Those months were painful, they were difficult.

If you have ever suffered a head injury then you know. It's a takes one to know one kind of a feeling. I stood on Main Street in Placid last year and spoke to Joey and Travis yet I couldn't remember who they were. I have known Joey since 1999. I couldn't remember him. Travis, I have known him for years too. Nothing is more frightening than looking at someone and knowing you know them but not remembering them.

The simple task of getting my thoughts to my mouth. Curt didn't understand why I was so frustrated and I couldn't even say to him.... because I can't connect words and thoughts! Our neurologist friend thankfully was able to see that in me and cue Curt.

There are a lot of hidden things that you feel when you do suffer a grade 3 concussion. A lot you only understand if you have been through it. So my recovery from that was difficult.

After I crashed on the bike before Longhorn 70.3 it was like..... now what? Dr. Les cracked me, I rested, and we went into that race knowing that it would be a hard day. It was a hard day. My friends and travel mates Kim and Ken knew and thank God they were there. I feel like those 2 have seen this journey from the start.

It was Kim who stayed with me at Longhorn to see if I could get a rolldown spot to Clearwater. I was nervous, I can't believe it rolled down as far as it did. Holding that certificate in my hand gave me hope, something to shoot for, a way out of where I was. (Ken had gone back to the hotel because he fractured his C2. No we didn't know it at the time, but he's all healed!)

I had some other health issues that occured, but those aren't good topics for right now. Clearwater 2010 represented hope to me.

I took on the task of coaching myself and coached myself (through the flu nonetheless) to a horrible performance at New Orleans 70.3. Which led me to QT2 and to Jesse, the Wizard. I had sent four emails to the four coaches I really respected in the sport. Two were full, one was ridiculously priced, and the wizard: "I can help you." The words I needed to hear.

We took it very slowly, we still are taking things slowly. Each time we meet I am reminded that Clearwater is not the big goal. 2010 is the big goal and everything that we are doing is for long term development. He promised me I'd never vomit in a race again. So far, that's true.

We spent more time in endurance work than anything. Still have. That foundation is what we will build off of for 2010. For the first time in my life someone has been taking on my running form. Without my run analysis I am a much different looking runner than I have ever been. I am learning to correctly pace the bike. I am learning so so so much. The Wizard believes in my potential and my abilities and his visions for me have me toeing the line of my fifth Ironman in 2010. I remember saying I was done with the distance but he's ignited me once again.

As I travel back through the year I see the connections and the things that have happened to lead me to where I am right now.

You may remember encounter with a seriously emotionally disturbed athlete (in the form of an assault) at the Musselman. The negativity of that connected me with an entire community of amazing people, whom I am so proud and honored to call my friends. Now I am traveling to Clearwater with one of those friends.... who I wouldn't have met otherwise...... not only will we be racing together in Florida..... I am going to soon call her teammate.

This spring two people I knew tried to completely undermine my business with the reported goal of "taking down Mary Eggers" . What they did in turn was explode it. Which in turn has led me to take a pause in my graduate studies, focus on the business, bring on an assistant coach, run 2 more camps (for a total of 3) and prepare to raise my own bar for a business that is growing faster than I can keep up with.

Life has an amazing way of putting you right where you need to be at this very moment. Life has an amazing way of allowing things to happen which have the domino effect of bringing you to today. It's not all good things, you have to witness the evil and the worst side of people and of yourself, but you have to trust in the grand plan and the big picture.

Kind of like standing on Pier 60 and looking at the ocean. The never ending ocean. I can't wait to see it. My son always asks me if there is a waterfall where the ocean meets the sky. Maybe there is and we just don't know it. Maybe that's where all the churning's of your life fall off the edge of the earth. It's a great thought.

The most recent forecast for Clearwater is that towards the end of the week a tropical depression will bring some stormy weather. I couldn't believe my eyes. RAIN? I can't be so lucky. God can't love me that much.

If there is a weather condition that I race like a rockstar in..... it's rain. Give me rain and wind and I just might be your damn world champion (uh, yeah). The wetter the better. I might be the only person heading there who thinks rain and licks her lips. Does God love me that much?

We will have to see.