Issue

I have something I need to tell you. I have a problem and it is a very embarrassing problem. Those whom I am joining for training camp in North Carolina, might want to take note. I do not snore, I can sleep anywhere, I just need coffee and I have this very strange.... weird.... issue.

Safety.

Now there is something to be said for being someone who is concerned about general safety and there is another thing... when you are ridiculously anal about it.

My husband has a good fix for it and y'all might want to take note. When I start to get a little... we could say.... weird about safety... all you need to do is look at me and shout "SAFETY" and I will instantly snap out of it.

I blame this on the fact that I am a Pediatric Emergency Nurse. I am a product of my environment and I know that all of my colleagues are the same way. We even have developed a little game ...... One person names a situation.... and we all come up the injuries.

Examples;

Sledding....... Skull fractures, closed head injuries, broken arms, broken legs, etc.

Picnic.... food poisoning, eating bugs, poison ivy, cutting oneself with a plastic knife.

Sleeping...... the shelf over your bed falling onto your head. (This actually has happened)

You get the idea.

But please understand that I am this way because of what I see. I see what people look like after they crash their car into a tree. I see what people look like when they ride motorcycles without helmets. Brains oozing out, limbs missing, it's all ingrained in my mind.

Did you know that most of the time when someone hits a deer.... they die from the deer kicking them to death? The deer many times comes up onto the hood and gets stuck in the windshield. Then they kick you to death. I learned that when I took care of a young mother with hoof prints on her face and fur stuck in her broken head. She didn't make it.

Or what about the kid who was riding his bike 3 fourth of July's ago and his arm arrived before he did?

What about the woman who was scalped from a fan?

What about the guy who partially amputated his arm in a snow blower?

Now can you blame me?

These images are so darn fresh in my mind that I get really, really anal when it comes to safety. I drive very slow in the snow (as my teammates poked me for on Sunday). I do not drive the car if you are not buckled in.

When I travel I travel with a roll of duct tape. What if I have to duct tape some airborne nut to his seat mid air? What if someone cuts themselves mid flight? There are lots of uses for duct tape.

When I walk into a room or a new situation, without even realizing it I have located the nearest exit and figured out what things I can use if someone has a heart attack, their head falls off, anything.

Convenience store.... I can use anything there to even give you a chest tube if you have a pneumothorax!

I figured out how to perform a blood transfusion if my husband slices an artery at home.

Ironman Florida..... I had shark bites taken care of before we even hit shore.

I even make my son sled with a helmet.

So I apologize in advance. I know how strange it makes me, but think of it this way my friends.... if you are out riding with me I can easily handle dehydration, lacerations, head injuries, road rash, broken bones, and yes, even amputations.

But if I refuse to drive before you have clicked your seat belt.... again just scream SAFTEY!

I have already thought of the items I need to take care of any issue that arises on our North Carolina trip. It will all be in my back pocket and it won't take up any space.

Now this issue of mine, you are not likely to notice. But just in case, I think you should all be warned. Because when we walk into a new and strange Starbucks.... know that by the time you order your drink I have figured out how to escape... give CPR using a coffee fliter.... and yes, I have figured out how to admister coffee directly into your veins. I will being a 14 G IV cather just in case.

:-) Mary