ride the wave

In between the third and fourth 500 yard repeats I turned to Grimm and declared a challenge. Now normally Grimm will be able to pull ahead of me on a set like this, but not today. He will touch my feet; I will flip turn, hang on the lane line and let him pass. Not today.

"The only way you are going to pass me." I told him, "Is if you grab onto me and pull me back. I am not barnacle-ing. You must physically take me down."

I had come too far in this set. Yes I was wearing his fins as opposed to the rest of the lane not wearing fins, but don't mistake the wearing of fins any easier. Because it is harder. Not only do I hold myself to a higher and faster standard, so do my lane mates.

"Sometimes you have to reach high to be risen."

Just by saying that I understood that I elicited the spark in Grimm and as I left the wall I realized I was swimming for my life. I had done it to myself. I declared I was maintaining the lead in a daring fashion. I did it for him and I did it for me. I wanted to keep the lead I worked hard for, I didn't want to surrender, and he wanted to see if he could take me down.

He did get close. He definitely got close. I threw up in the dam pool but I didn't let it happen.

It was that feeling of my heart in my throat and my stomach on shutdown and the most lactic acid burning feeling in my legs. I was on the edge of pulling it off and blowing it completely and what got me there was the space between my ears.

I can't say I thought about anything. I went on feeling. I swam from my heart and I would have allowed blood to pour from my nose rather than be grabbed around the ankles and pulled down.

They say it's nice to win in training but it's the race that really counts. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Small victories like this are stepping stones. They can only happen so often but they are paramount for me.

Kelly B is home for 2 months and that means training camp. Silly fun. Crazy sets and too much laughing. Tuesday we did a three hour trainer ride with tempo efforts and then transitioned right into a Tempo run with 8 X 30 second efforts to Tempo pace, which was 7:30 miles. (Remember we are distance athletes…. not sprinters). So when the pace got down to 6:30 I got a little giddy. The interval wasn't long enough to do damage yet long enough to tickle me Elmo. Today was a great day. We were outside. The sun was shining. Still ass cold but the sun was shining.

It's absolutely amazing to realize how richer life is these days. I take none of this for granted. The opportunity, the ability, just being able to have the lifestyle that affords me to have time spent on a bike, in a pool and in my running shoes. To have a family that supports this, friends who live it, a business that thrives on it, former coaches who still keep an eye on you, because they care........ I will never again take for granted that my entire life is a privilege. Not a right. Not an expectation. Not an entitlement.

A privilege.

This all seems frivolous to those from the outside, and in part it is. I just beg to point out that my bike is to me, what another's spa is to them. Extra, yes,. Necessary? No.

Something that I am so lucky to do that makes me feel alive more than ever. Every day is a new wave and not a mountain. I used to have a friend who talked about climbing the mountain. I hate that analogy. At the top of the mountain it is cold, lonely and there is nowhere to go. I like to see it as climbing down the mountain. Towards community, towards something. Towards people.

Better yet I like to see it as waves. When I learned to surf I learned to feel the waves and I learned to take them as they come. They bring me into shore to people who are laughing, smiling, applauding or empathizing. I learned that every rise has a fall, and every fall has a rise. I learned that I could not analyze when the best time was to try to stand up, I could only feel it. No heart rate monitor, no Garmin or Power Meter can teach me that.

There will be no talk of mountains in my life ever again. Life is not all or none it is a circle and it all comes back eventually. The good bad, the misfortune and the achievement.

The achievement….. it's about to come back.