How to Properly Recover From the Ironman

There are several rules that one should follow when recovering from an Ironman. These rules need to be carefully followed, especially if you have another Iornman in 12 weeks. The first rule of thumb is to get a proper post race meal. You want to replace those precious lost calories, carbohydrates and electrolytes.

To do that you need to find one of your trusty teammates. As you limp in horrible pain they will inevitably ask you if they can get you anything, anything at all.

Don't be afraid to grant their request. After all you just finished an Ironman. So go ahead, ask them to get you the post race meal of all meals;

Hot Dog, Cool Ranch Doritos and a quart of Chocolate Milk. Smile when eating. This is the key.

Secondly you need an assistant. A 1o year old child is a good one. They are obedient and they are impressed with your Ironman. Have them walk you to the bathroom, to the bike pickup, help you crawl up a hill. Anything.

Have a friend drive you back to your cottage and try very hard not to fall asleep as you give them the directions. But know if you give the wrong directions it can't be helped, you just did the Ironman.

When you decide that just 10 hours after finishing Ironman #3 you need to sign up for Ironman #5, make sure you have a team of people to meet you in the line. When you forget your chair remind your friends that you just did the Ironman and need to sit. Their sad legs can stand. Make sure they are agile so they can assist you in watching your six year old child, who was more than delighted to wake up at 5am to sign up for another Ironman. It build character. Remind your child that the Moms in his kindergarten class who don't do this are really the strange ones. Remind him this is what all normal people do. Someday if he is a good boy, he can do it too.

On day one of post Ironman recovery make sure you eat great food. This means ice cream, hot dogs and definitely French fries. You just did the Iornman and your body is asking for it. All Ironman finishers should grant their bodies wishes at this point.

When you move into a new hotel act happy that they gave you a room on the second floor, only accessible by stairs. Tell the owner that it's okay, you just finished the Ironman and thought you could use a good workout.

Then when you climb those stairs smile and look like you are walking that way on purpose.

When people ask you if you finished the Ironman, politely tell them your name is Belinda Granger and you won the Ironman.

On recovery day two when you decide to visit the North Pole (this is real...) plan accordingly as it is nestled in the side of a mountain. So that means hills. Tell your child you will work through the rides from the top down. Convince him via sugary foods to sit down after the third trip through the rides, for 5 minutes.

When walking through lake Placid make sure you wear your finisher's shirt and keep the silver bracelet on. Stop at Ben and Jerry's as often as possible. Exaggerate the staggered walk, make it look good to the regular people. After all you just did the Ironman and they will be happy to tell you they can't even drive that far!

Upon returning to teach your yoga class announce that while you will instruct them to touch their toes you will not be able to..... you just did an Ironman.

Allow your domestic excuses to change from "I can't do that I am resting for the Ironman..." To "I can't empty the dishwasher... I am resting from the Ironman."

Other helpful tips;

The first week it is okay to eat ice cream before 11am.

You may wear your finisher's shirt every single day for 7 days. Please wash it 2 times at least.

You may scout our Ironman jewelry and pay $200+ for an Ironman pendant.

You may not drink Gatorade Endurance formula for at least one week.

Hot dogs are fair game.

And don't forget the most important rule..... day one you can wear the medal. Day two the medal goes on the rear view mirror, day three it goes on the counter, day four it goes to its display case.

But it is all right however to wake up in the middle of the night, go and get it, bring it back to bed with you and just hold it. After all you just went to the brink and came back, you just found out more about yourself then you ever knew existed, and you just became the strongest person on earth.

And whatever you do dear Ironman Finisher... do not... and I repeat DO NOT open your Ironman gear bags inside of the house.