What would you be remembered for?

The last lecture made me think. About a lot of things. Especially my son. What if it was I who was standing on that podium? What if it were me who had to leave a legacy?

What would I want the memories of me to be like?

I thought of my son. It's he who I would care the most to make positive happy memories for. It is he who I would do everything within my power to change the world for.

If you had a short time to live….. what would be your legacy?

I would not have memories of me being on the couch and of him watching cartoons. I would want him to remember riding our tandem bikes. Today he was screaming at me to go faster and I was happy to oblige.

He told me I was the coolest Mom ever.

That filled my heart with so much.

I would want him to remember me as the coolest Mom ever. The Mom who was always a little muddy. I want him to remember his Mom as always having a sunburnt nose. I want him to remember screaming in the thrill of the wind whipping through his helmet.

I would want him to remember me as a Mom who was brave. I want him to remember me as a Mom who would rather hang at the beach than clean the house. I want him to know I could care less about dust and vacuums because I know he's more important.

I would want to be remembered as the funniest Mom on earth.

I would want to be remembered as the Mom who has more bikes than she should actually knows how to surf.

The Mom who knows how to throw a baseball and a football.

Who loves to wrestle in the pouring rain and roll around in the mud.

Who hates to wear shoes.

Who loves to ride and ride fast.

Who loves to jump into the ocean with sharks.

I want to be remembered as the Mom who is not afraid to be afraid.

I would want Luc to remember his Mom as a warrior. Someone who was not afraid of life. Someone who was not afraid of death. Someone who did the right thing. Someone who lived from her heart. Someone who helped make the world a better place.

I would want him to think of me with a laugh and not a tear.

If I get to have anything to do with how this ends that is what I wish my legacy to be. I'm the girl who isn't afraid to be muddy, confused, scared, or happy. Who lives without restraints. Who lives each and every single day as it is her last. Because at this very moment our days are numbered and what if I have to draw a straw and it is short one?

Because if I go….. and one day we will all go…. and if this were any of you then I would promise……

That I would be remembered with a smile and a big belly laugh. Such a big laugh it makes your stomach hurt.

That I would be remembered with more laughter than tears.

That I would be remembered with happiness and not sadness.

That I would be remembered as someone who never gave up.

That I would be remembered as a girl who loved to love. And who loved to be loved.

That I would be the story that begins with "remember that time that she…"

That you would watch over my son and tell him the stories he does not know. And let him know how he was my universe. That everything I did I did for him. That there was so much I wanted him to see in this world and no matter what he chooses or where he goes he will always have my love. Always. That I was not in pain. That I loved him so very very very much. With everything I am and ever was. And that I will always be with him. Always.

That you would throw my ashes into the ocean and tell him that whenever he needs me, to come to the water. It will be there that I hold him safe.

That you would come too and let me hold you safe.

That somewhere over the rainbow we will all meet again. And I would be standing with the pot of gold, which will be the greatest memory we have together. And I will wait for as long as I have to.

Because I would do the same for you.