Knowing When

At first I protested. I felt like a failure, and then I thought about it for a moment, took a look at the revisions and decided I was being a baby. Coach T reeled me in a little bit this week, he saw the writing on the wall. And I can't believe I cried about it.

That's why many of us work with a coach. In many ways Coach T is there to not only push me when I need to be pushed but save me from myself. Left to my own devices I would and have just completely put myself into a hole.

The revisions were nothing horrible. I feared I'd be dropped down to a 10 hour week, because you know me... I like to see that big round 20 or better yet this week's 23!!! It's like seeing the number on the scale decrease.... you get a little high from that.

So we dropped to 19 and removed some of the intensity. Boo Hoo. Cry me a river princess, ain't life just so hard????

This is the last week of school, the next 2 weeks are tough in terms of time so I just wanted this big fat last week. I also want to be walking next week.

When you find the coach you trust, the one who knows you better than you know yourself, you have to trust that they can see what you can't. I am not supposed to crack ... well hatch... because that could cause me to fall into a hole I might not pull out of.

On July 20th I don't need to begin the day at the bottom looking up.

Right now I am the most prepared I have ever been. If the stars align it could be my day. Either way I walk to this starting line with the opportunity for the greatest day.

My husband asked me last week if I didn't hit my goal time ... then what?

I told him if I get to the finish and it's not between 10:45-11:30 then I have overcome something significant out there to get to the finish line. There's incredible victory in that. It's why I really believe it's impossible to fail in the Ironman. I won't ever get so married to a time that if I finish 2 minutes beyond it the whole effort is trashed.

Anything can happen on Ironman day and you have to take it as it comes to you. An Ironman finish is an Ironman finish,. We all get the same medal. It means nothing in the big picture if I do a 10:45 or a 13:45. It means I took the day as it came and I made things happen and most of all.... it means I didn't give up.

I can't predict the wind. I can't predict other people. I can't predict the temperature. I can't predict a flat. Worrying about those things is useless. I don't even know whose in my age group. I never do. What good would it do me? I won't worry about the things that are beyond my control.

I will however take the day as it comes to me. I will tread water with 2000 of my favorite people and I will smile as I look at the mountains. I will smile as i exit the water and run through the unbelievable crowds. I will smile as I take that descent without fear and as I spin through the last 11. I will smile as I run down Rich Clark Hill and hear the bullhorn.

I will smile when I see my teammates on that run. We'll exchange high fives and we will cheer each other on.

And while I will take aim for my best day, I will smile as I come around the Olympic Oval.... like so many did before me and so many will after me. I will relish in the finish line of my fifth Ironman.... because for at least 365 days I will not do another one.

All of this even happening hinges on me listening, remaining objective and understanding that when they place a medal around my neck and I cry AGAIN.... that no one, including me will give a rat's ass about whether I trained 19 or 23 hours the week of June 16th.