see this little light of mine?

All was going just fine in my dreams of racing in New Orleans this April. A nice… lake swim…. some sunshine….. then Kloner had to bump me back to reality.

Bull sharks.

Bull sharks? I thought. She's freaking crazy.

Then I saw this and nearly… okay I did crap myself. Wouldn't be the first time. It's pretty awesome that three of my four big races in 2009 involve shark infested water. It could be a cool way to die….. after the fact. Remember Mary….. she got eaten by that shark that one time…..

I began poking around on Amazon looking for some good book suggestions for my athletes. Ones on motivation, unlocking one's highest potential, training thy self to be positive….. and as I read through each book and or book review I kept coming back to one thing.

This is all….. bullshit.

All of these qualities…. motivation, believing in oneself, self trust….. every single one of those qualities are things that we were born with. Each and every single one of us. Some would say that we all have potential. Maybe even the same potential. I happen to agree.

When you were five years old you knew it. You were intuitive. You were motivated. You lived in the present moment without though or regard of what came before or what came next. Perhaps you pranced around the house with your Superman Cape on in your tightie (not a word.... made it up) whities (and same here). Maybe you pranced around with your tiara and princess dress on. You believed wholeheartedly that you could fly, that you could do bigger than life things, that you could save the world, that you were the fairy princess.

There was absolutely no doubt.

Then your pain in the ass older brother… or sister…. or someone…. came along and said "Take that thing off…. you look stupid."

Your big grand world came to a halt.

If you have ever seen Toy Story….. remember the scene where Buzz Lightyear realizes he is just a toy? Prior to that very moment he truly believed without any ounce of a doubt…. that he was the Buzz Lightyear. Until one moment on a television that crashed his entire world.

So what changed in that thirty seconds? Not one single thing except that there was a giant layer of doubt placed between his heart and his head. A big layer of uncertainty between his intuition and his brain.

Just like happened to you when you were told that red cape or that tiara….. was stupid.

If you just sit and reflect long enough….. you can probably come to that moment. The first person who caused you to feel doubt, or uncertainty…..reflect upon it long enough and you can probably feel that layer come between you and your dreams.

So you began to dream about it, but a little bit quieter this time. Maybe the only time you donned that red cape was when the brother wasn't around. But there was a clear disconnect and a distinct layer placed over your heart.

That right there is where this all began.

It's natural, it is part of life, it happens to all of us. As we travel this journey of life those layers keep getting piled on. Keep getting thicker. The gap, the disconnect between our head and our heart…. or rather our spirit grows bigger until they are possibly not even able to connect at all. They become two separate entities.

It manifests itself in so many different ways, and it's natural, not wrong. It happens to us all.

The first time you ran that 5K …. or whatever event you did…. there was a fracture in that layer. That inner spirit who loved to play superman…. a small ray of light came through that crack. You felt this amazing feeling…. I can't believe I did that…. you might have thought. You set a bigger goal but told no one about it, maybe because you were afraid that someone would cast the cloud of doubt over you again. And you accomplished the next big thing.

Maybe your thing isn't even athletic. Maybe it is working for NASA, or attaining your Bachelor's Degree, or learning to play the piano. Each and every one of us has it. We have always had it. It's just been hidden and then we find that one thing that fractures those layers just enough to let that beam of light shine through and light us up. It touches us enough to yearn to find out what else might be in there.

We all have everything we have ever needed right inside of us right this very minute. It doesn't need to be learned. It doesn't need to be found in a book, in an article, on a talk show. It is not something we want but don't have. It isn't like running or biking or swimming that can be developed.

It's right there. It has always been there. Remember that feeling while you wore that red cape? THAT IS IT RIGHT THERE. You see….. we have just spent years and years piling a bunch of shit on top of it.

Remember, the only thing that changed for Mr. Lightyear was the space between his ears. He never knew doubt before.

Well, now it is time to peel those layers back and get f****** rid of them. Enough already. Enough.

All you have to do to uncover those layers is pay attention to that ray of light that shines through. Really, that is all. You can read and listen to and make as many lists and notes that you want. But if you just give yourself the chance, let yourself dream the dream…. if you just begin to peel those layers back….. you will realize that everything you have ever needed was with you all this time.

It's been buried under doubt. It's been buried under I'm too slow, too thin… too fat…. too tall…. too short…. my bike isn't good enough….. I'm not fast enough…. I could never do that….. And I promise you this: no one, no therapist, no friend, no coach in the world can help you find that. Only you can. Only you have the power and ability to unlock all of it. You just have to believe.

In fact…. the more you let it shine…. the more people will try to attack you for it. Many people attack authenticity. Many people attack those things that they see in you…. happiness, self confidence, self worth….. they attack what they see but are afraid to find within them. It makes them feel good to try to push you down, as if by pushing you down they sail higher. That however is just their own unfortunate belief.

Because when you live directly from your heart you have this force field around you that will absolutely fend off that kind of stuff.

So the next time you begin to have the feeling of: I wish I had more self confidence, I wish I had a more positive attitude….. I wish someone could just tell me how to do it…… realize once again that these are never things that you need to develop, or even attain. You already have them, or else you wouldn't be standing here to begin with.

This season I invite you to peel those layers back. It's not easy and there is no direct way to do it except you must find a place to quiet your mind daily. Wherever that is for you. Pay attention to your own mirror. Each accomplishment you have that fractures those layers of doubt, bask in the warmth of that ray of light that shines through. Use that as your strength as you break apart those layers. Use each failure as an opportunity to come back to yourself, your heart and your spirit. Use those opportunities to not allow the doubt of others become another layer.

Find that feeling of standing at the top of the stairs with that red cape on and your hands on your hips. The feeling of quiet invincibility, unmistakable strength. Never worry that this will be mistaken for being conceited…. the only people who will ever think that are the same ones who attack you for being you… and remember it is your authenticity they fear because they have lost your own…. not because you are wrong.

As you stand at the next starting line with that shiny red cape on, feel that little light inside of you. Feel that light? Let it shine.