The Sun

This morning's picture is the other half of the one from a few days ago.... this is Leslie, Jen and Ashley.... and I think that the picture speaks for itself!!!!

This morning I will be sending speed, strength and love to Bree and Elizabeth who are on a small island racing their hearts out! Go for it girls!

Day three of four is upon us. Last night was incredibly difficult at work. Sometimes things happen that are so heartbreaking that you wonder why you do what you do. Then you take a step back and you look at your team and you think..... if this was my child this is the team I would hope was doing everything they can to save the life at stake.

Please know that about the pediatric emergency nurses. Heck please know that about just about every nurse I know. Many times we have a 10 minute warning, and last night with that warning we were ready in 30 seconds. With skill and with speed we worked, and we worked and we worked. When it was all over please know that we cried. We cried hard and we cried for a long time. We held hands of one another and our patient.

I think the day where I could walk away from that situation and not have a fracture line in my heart..... would be the day that I should never come back.

We have to believe that all things happen for a reason. That there is a higher power among us and that higher power is watching and holding us all.

As I left last night I walked out into the warm and rainy evening. It seemed like the world was crying. Someone I didn't know walked past me, and realized I was crying.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, smiled at me and kept going.

I think people can be angels themselves.

And in the darkest moment, in the rainiest night, when you look to the sky and you wonder why.... something happens that reminds you that good does exist, that good still happens, and that you did everything within your power to save. Sometimes your power can only go so far..... but the power bigger than you is what will ultimately save. Your definition of the word save might not feel the same but it is a trust and a feeling you just have to have.

So as sad as I felt, I still felt hopeful. Hopeful because there is always a silver lining. That my four day stretch of insanity was really just a small blip on a big screen. That as hard as it seems it really isn't so hard.

And we will heal. We will heal no matter what. My final will come, and my final will go. I will still smile, I will still laugh. I will still board that plane on Thursday and I will fly directly to the sun (isn't that where Panama City Beach is located?). Marit, Ashley and I will swim in the ocean. And we will swim parallel to shore so we won't get eaten by Jaws. The salt water will feel soothing, the sun will feel healing.

And everything will be all right.