go to your brother

I learned a really interesting lesson this week, yet at the same time I can't properly articulate what that lesson was. It made me once again realize how lucky I am to have the father that I do. He taught me so many things, simple things, that have shaped my life in a good way.

He taught me to be habitually early. So I am. I am never late for anything.

He taught me to "kill people with kindness". When people are escalated and angry, the way to talk them down is to not escalate with them. No one can remain agitated at someone who won't engage with them. When you are arguing, do it kindly. You will never find me in a shouting match with anyone..... and the kindness thing.... hard when you are not feeling kind.... but works every time.

He always told me to be honest. He told me that telling the truth is always the best thing to do, even if it is hard. The repercussions of not telling the truth are always more painful than not.

I have always tried to listen to my Dad, and I have always tried very hard to live those lessons he taught me.

I was involved in three interesting social situations this week that involved a common theme. A group, a leader, someone who offended, and the reaction and confrontation of the leader to the group.

In all three circumstances, the leader addressed the problem to the group as a whole, through a mass email. Not the person doing the offending. These three situations were in three different areas of my life, and in one of them I was the offender.

In my situation an idea that I had was overheard by the leader. It was interpreted as "stepping on the toes" of the leader. I didn't intend it to be, and I think that's true for most of us. Sometimes we have an idea and simply don't see it the same way that someone else might. A half hour after I made the statement of the idea, I had a conversation with my leader. It would have been the perfect opportunity for the leader to say "Hey Mary..... no deal on your idea."

But instead later in the day, in the form of a mass email it was stated that my idea would not fly. It turned out I hadn't thought of that perspective. However I was saddened that there I was, standing right in front of my leader, and it wasn't brought to my attention.

Would I ave been offended? Gosh no. You can't take everything personally. Because my reaction was this....

"Geez..... I didn't think of it that way. That's a good point. Policy respected, sorry about that!" In fact, I contacted my leader and did say that. I also expressed the hope that after all this time they knew me well enough that I could be called out on something.

The second two situations involved me as a part of the group that was addressed for someone else's actions and / or comments. To my knowledge the leader had not spoken to the offender. In one of the circumstances I thought...... I bet that the offender doesn't even get that this is addressed to them!

These three circumstances made me sad. Is this what we have come to as humanity? Relying so much on email and non confrontational communication that we have completely lost the art of being honest with one another face to face?????

As I spoke with a few people last night they laughed at me. "You must not be in corporate America." They said. I was given several examples of how this kind of thing..... this rather than approaching the offender........ sending out a group email........

Now in my circumstance it probably was beneficial to have the group told about a particular policy. But I just don't understand..... I just don't comprehend...... why it wasn't told to me face to face. I don't know about you but when I have an issue with someone I will go to them. Not to someone else.

Chances are that I or they just didn't "see it that way", and no harm was intended.

So what are we afraid of in this world? Have we lost the art of interpersonal communication?
Are we going to get stuck in technological and cold world where we tell one another if we are happy or sad through a text, an email or Face Book?

Will hugs become virtual hugs?

While I am sad that this kind of culture exists, I am glad that I don't have to exist within it. We call coming to one another..... come to your brother.

So go to your brother today. Don't hold up feelings of being hurt and being insulted. You can do it in a respectful manner that highlights your feelings and allows the other person to not get defensive, but to see your point of view.

Go to your brother. I promise you that if you do it right ......... the art of people, the art of communication.... it will come back.

Thanks Dad.