Casualties of Iron

The above picture is the start of the men 60-64 wave at ITU World Championships. Thought we needed a picture unrelated to the story, to start off Monday!

Ironman training will bring the obvious. Sore muscles, restless appetite, fatigue. Those are not the hard parts of Ironman training. What no one ever tells you about are the true casualties of Iron, the parts that hurt.... hell you didn't even know they could hurt. That's the true nature of living in the Land of Iron.

On this Monday morning I awaken with 2 problems. Not muscle ache, not fatigue...... crotch fire and sore right 2nd toe. Not to worry the crotch fire isn't actually within the crotch. And I apologize for using the word crotch, it is the very part of the body that even as a nurse I try to avoid. That's why I don't deliver babies.

I have a pair of cycling shorts, Pearl Iszumi. I have had them since 2003. These are hands down the best cycling shorts on the face of the earth. So awesome that I wash them completely alone. An entire cycle of the washing machine devoted just to them (sorry Curt). Every single 100 miler I have done from 2003 and beyond..... which is easily over 30.... has been in these shorts. I am meticulous about their care.

Yesterday on my long ride.... the unthinkable happened. Four years and literally thousands of miles later..... they began to hurt me. Now I don't require padding, the pad residing in this pair of cycling shorts is just damn comfortable. But I may have finally worn my welcome. While the pad itself was fine.... the seams on the outside of the pad.... began to dig into me.

Now my inner thighs don't touch when I run, I never have troubles with chaffing. But if you know that spot where inner thigh chafing potential exists, take it about three inches north. Right into the highest point of upper thigh. Where leg meets body. Not crotch, just a bit beyond. Now imagine seam rubbing for 4+ hours.

Yes, ouch. Worst than ouch. Laceration, abrasion.... CUT! BLOOD!

There are things cycling manufacturers have invented to rectify this sort of situation. But there is one product that cures all evidence of the chafe, the rub, the unwanted. Desitin. Yes Desitin. Yes the white cream you paint your kiddo's but white with so when they pee themselves said diaper with extra absorbency doesn't cause the unwanted diaper rash on their smooth behind.

I am convinced the creators of Desitin are absolute geniuses. When you have a hot spot, a chafe potential, paint it white with Desitin. It will resist everything. Water, sweat, you name it. Nothing gets past it.

Needless to say my rub has been soothed. Whew. And I am seeking a new pair of cycling shorts.

Onto problem #2, the toe. The toenail. Miraculously I only lost one toenail after Ironman Lake Placid. But I have it's sister working her way to the top so to speak. My right 2nd toe is screaming at me. Well, the nail is.

One thing to note about me... yes I am a Pediatric Emergency nurse. There are 2 things that make me feel dizzy. Teeth and toes. Yes, bring your arm in to me in a garbage bag and have your bones hanging out your shoulder.... not a problem. Wiggle your tooth in front of me or show me a finger or toe without a nail and I might hit the floor.

So when my own toenails begin to fall off.... a problem exists. Sometimes I tape them back on with duct tape with the erroneous belief that it will magically re adhere. Sometimes I ponder asking the toenail removal expert Dr. O'Gara if he will give me a local block and take care of business.

And then there are times when it is midnight and I can't see in a dimly lit hallway, armed with toenail clippers and a lack of a plan. A hope that I don't pass out. I take deep breaths and think of happy thoughts and places as I trim the sore nail that by the end of the week will hang with a thread.

I know my husband will kill me if I wake him up from the sleep he needs, to help the operation. I also know that I will become yet another laughing stock if I pass out, fall down the stairs and break my arm.

Harden up buttercup. I told myself as I got to work. I did get lightheaded, I did get queasy, but I did not pass out. I was able to successfully trim the nail enough to await the falling off of.

Which would be completely fine if you didn't make 1/2 your living walking around a yoga studio in bare feet. Gross toes and yogis don't quite mix. A little nail polish and things are all better.

Until the next round.

As you contemplate the Ironman experience, a trip through the Land of Iron, know that it isn't the sore muscles and fatigue to be afraid of. It's the little things. The chafe, the toenails, the ability for the Ironman to make even your hair hurt.

That's what Ironmans are made of.

Thanks for stopping by.

:-) mary