Think Before You Speak

My son broke his leg over a month ago. If you have ever broken your leg you know this is a lengthy process. Good enough break and it is eight weeks if everything heals well. We are about to enter week 6 and Luc is on cast #2. His first cast was a full leg cast, this one is a shorter cast, below the knee and this time, whew.... it is Gortex on the inside. What makes a cast waterproof is not really the outside, it is what's on the inside.

Give a 6 year old with some sensory and balance issues a pair of crutches and you'll have a kid in an arm cast as well. We opted for the walker. Ever need a wheelchair? Call your Town Hall of your local Ambulance Corps. They likely have many to lend out.

Benefits of being a nurse.... knowing that they do make walkers and wheelchairs for children and knowing where to get them.

A month ago Luc was equipped with both. To make things easier we received a hang tag, allowing us to park in Handicapped Spaces. Which is all well and fine if you car doesn't have a license plate that says "IRONCHICK" and have a few Ironman stickers on it. Hanging a handicapped hang tag on it doesn't feel so right.

Parking Spots. I have quickly learned that handicapped parking spots are not necessarily for a closer spot. It's the space between cars that becomes vital. In a standard parking spot a wheelchair likely does not fit. Neither does a walker.

There has been one instance where a woman began to scold me for parking in a reserved spot, until I rounded the corner of my car with a kid in a wheelchair. She shut up immediately and apologized.

"Don't apologize." I said "Think before you speak."

When you are living life pushing someone in a wheelchair you begin to realize all of the difficulties these people have to face on a daily basis.

Sidewalk Ramps. If they have the slightest bump it is difficult to roll over. I have almost launched Luc out of the chair forcing the wheels. And every morning at school someone must park in front of the sidewalk ramp while dropping off their able bodied kids. Until I stand there and politely wait until they move. I noticed she didn't do it again.

"Sorry" She called out the window.

"Don't apologize." I told her. "Think before you speak."

Stores. Automatic doors are heaven. Doors with the big button that open the doors are second best. Opening a door is fine if you are the wheeler. But if you are in the wheelchair, how on earth do you do it without waiting form someone to come by and help you? I imagine the feeling of dependence on society to open doors for you gets old, when you are working hard to gain independence of your own life.

Bathrooms. I am a mother who is herself guilty of bringing my son into the bigger handicapped accessible bathroom in a restaurant or store. Heck it is easier to navigate. Now try asking a boy to balance on one leg and don't miss the toilet. We need the space. One day I came to the other side of the wall. Having the kid in the wheelchair who can't fit into a regular stall, has to go really bad, but we need to wait because mommy and princess are in the bigger bathroom, and princess has kicked off her golden shoe. Only to have them come out and tell me this is the ladies room.

"So I should open the door to the men's room and roll him in calling 'Good Luck' after him?" I asked her point blank.

"I guess not. Sorry."

"Don't apologize." I said "Think before you speak."

Staring. When your child is in a wheelchair people stare but try not to be caught. When I catch someone staring at him I gently tell them it is okay to look at him and it is even okay to ask him why he is in a wheelchair.

We had the fortunate ability to send Luc to Preschool at the CP Center of Rochester. He was a typical peer for the children afflicted with CP. The ratio was 50/50 for children who had CP and children who did not. It was there Luc learned that some kids are in wheelchairs, some kids walk differently, some kids use walkers, some kids have trouble talking. That experience taught him to be very comfortable with wheelchairs, kids in them, and kids who make noises, anything.

Children are curious. By nature they are not mean. Their parents tend to get in the way of that by implanting into their heads not to look. It is not rude to look at a person in a wheelchair. Acknowledge it. Talk about it. Ask questions. Sure you may come across a person who has been asked one too many times, but I say take the chance.

If you encounter a child who does not speak, how do you speak to them? You crouch down to their level, make eye contact and speak to them like you would any normal kid. Don't speak louder, treat them like a kid. That's what they are. Even if they do not speak back to you.

The more fearful you act around people with disabilities the greater the rift you create. The more you include, the more you treat them as normal, the more you act like they are just like you..... the smaller that rift will be.

People with disabilities are normal, they are list like you and I. They have more obstacles in their way and they have a lot to deal with. You can never imagine with some of these kids and families must undergo on a daily basis. Nurses and Aides in their homes 24 hours a day. Sometimes big ventilators, electronic lifts. Special tubs, bathrooms, medications that need to be stores in special fridges. Ramps, vans.

And yet they go through life without complaint. With a spirit that we wish we could have. With bravery and with passion that we don't even know.

We are very fortunate. Luc has cruised through open heart surgery and now 2 broken legs. These inconveniences are temporary. In a few weeks I will bring the wheelchair back. I will find someone who needs his walker. The casts will become mantle decorations. This will become a funny story.

We will soon be in Florida running on the beach and swimming in the ocean. We won't have to deal with traveling in a wheelchair, flying in a wheelchair, or wheeling a wheelchair down a beach.

The lessons we are learning are precious. Look around you. Hold open a door. Don't be afraid to look. Teach your children that while we are different, we are all one people. Looking to do the same thing.... live our lives the best way we can.

And please remember one thing..... please think before you speak.