Hope

For the third year in a row I had the honor of speaking to about 150 students at the State University of New York at Geneseo. Topic..... How I survived an Eating Disorder. I do quite a bit of speaking to groups of all kinds on this topic, adolescents to adults, high school, YMCA groups, you name it.

I am not an eating disorder expert. I do not have all of the answers. But I have been through it, I deal with it every single day and I can tell you that hope exists. I am not special because I have found recovery, I am not special because I have found success as an athlete, I am not special for any reason, I am just like anyone else.

I see too many people, women and men who endure eating disorders. Those who have had the fortune of never experiencing this will never understand. It may begin as an issue of weight but what it takes on is monstrous and horrible. Where it takes us is towards death and self destruction. It shapes the rest of our lives.

I feel very grateful now, for the experiences that I have had in my life. Everything is connected in our universe and I know my calling is to help others who have this illness. It is directly a part of my recovery to do things like this.

Each week I get several emails asking me what I did to recover. Like I have said before for me there was no magic bullet. I would like to share exactly what I do in my recovery, as it may help you. Recovery becomes something different for each person, but this is the system that I have found, that keeps me well. I have to do these things daily. It is a chain and if I break a link of the chain everything falls apart. Take from it what you can, and allow yourself to leave the rest.

I am powerless over my eating disorder

If this sounds "12 Step-ish" then it is. I follow the 12 step program developed by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous. And this is the first step. I have tried to control it, but I can not.

When I admit I am powerless, I have found my own higher power whom I "give" this whole thing to. Each person has their own higher power whether it is God or a tree. Find yours. It takes a very strong person to admit there is something in which they are powerless, very strong.

By daily following the 12 steps, it helps to keep me in check. Every single day I do this. Every single day. Every once in a while I jump into an AA meeting. I am not an alcoholic (I rarely drink) but the theme is the same, and I am always welcomed with open arms. It is an incredibly beautiful place, these meetings. You will learn a lot about a lot by attending them.

I practice yoga every single day

My yoga practice is all about presence. We typically live in the past or the future. Think of how many times you have driven down the street, and did not quite remember passing the grocery store. But you must have, you are at Main Street. "Where was I?" You think. We are such expert multitaskers, we are horrendous mono taskers. Instead of being everywhere but here, I have learned to be here and nowhere else. Be Present. Be here right now. Stop the mental hamster whee, cease the mental chaos and the physical fidgitiness. Just be here. That's what yoga has taught me.

Have a support system

I have a therapist whom I check in with once every 6 months, just to check in. Having someone who knows the whole story, to be accountable to is very meaningful. I can't hide, I can't fake it. They know me, they know my story, and when we sit down and talk sometimes there are things to talk about and sometimes there are not. Just having them as part of my support team is important.

Logging nutrition

I meal plan. I don't always follow the plan but there is security in having a plan. This part is essential because it gives me a framework to eat within.

Multisport

I am a triathlete and I have an incredible passion for it. I am lucky to be healthy enough to do the training. It has given me an incredible family, and incredible business, and it allows me to share the wealth of my health. Personally my success in this sport depends on how well I take care of myself. It also brings me the same kind of stillness and presence as my yoga practice does. As different as they are they go hand in hand.

Meditation

There is a book I read a passage from every single day. It is called "Journey to the Heart" by Melodie Beattie. I think she wrote this book to me. Every day I read a passage and take a few minutes to sit quietly in the morning and reflect on the reading.

My point here is that there are several things I must do every single day to maintain my recovery. speaking about my experience, holds me accountable. It gets me in touch with those who may need guidance, and giving back is completing the circle.

If you suspect someone to have an eating disorder, I recommend approaching them in the following manner:

Be supportive rather than accusatory

Consider these two statements;

"Carla you are too skinny! I know you aren't eating!", how about this one instead "Carla, I am really concerned about you. I care about you and I am worried you might be having trouble with an eating disorder. What can I do to help you?"

Expect them to be angry with you. But you might be saving their life.

Have a plan

As you use the supportive confrontation as I stated above, back it up with a plan......

"I thought maybe we could go to an eating disorder support group together."

"I found the names of some good therapists who can help you. I can go with you and sit in the waiting room, I can drive you....."

Having a plan will eliminate your statement of intention as being a cliffhanger. Take the time, do some research and find treatment options to suggest. Expect initial anger but they will think about it.

Be there

If you don't understand eating disorders, don't pretend to. Offer your ear for listening, sometimes people just need to vent. But if you say you are going to be there for support, be there.

Eating disorders are not easy for anyone involved. I put my family through hell while I was active. I have spent my adult life trying to live well, as a way of paying them back for the pain I caused.

Thank you to all who came this evening and for allowing me to share my story. Please feel free to contact me Meggers@Rochester.rr.com , whether it is to vent, share your story, or seek guidance please feel free to. I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it.

Know there is hope, there is recovery, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Reach out, because there are people in the world who will help you. They are still helping me.

:-) Mary Eggers