Sunday, June 29, 2008

Victory at Home

Ever win something and feel like you didn't deserve it? That's how I felt today at the Quakerman Triathlon, which was a 600 yard swim / 22 mile bike and a 4 mile run staged in the town where I grew up, the beach where I lifeguard ed during high school and college and where my parents still live.

It was a bit of a homecoming for me in so many ways. But my performance was less than stellar. I honestly wanted to walk up to the second place woman and give it to her because she deserved it more than I did today!

It wasn't a complete disaster, I did have a pretty solid week of training this week as we trained and recovered. But today... less than amazing for sure.

I led my wave in the swim, felt pretty strong on the bike but as I see my power files I am not impressed.... but then again I won't be impressed with myself on the bike until I beat Lance Armstrong..... (in shape or out of shape). My TSS score had me in my tempo ranges. My run..... I wanted to take a nap. I really did! In my aim for T pace I barely held M pace.

My attitude..... just as poor. It was poor from the get go, which is not like me.

Now I know I am tired. I know I am pulling out of a hole, and I know today is not the prize.

Days like these are just as important as the days where the wheels come off because you are hitting the paces. And days like these are just as much a part of the plan as recovery days and long rides.

You can't feel amazing every day. And I know that.

This win didn't feel good and it didn't feel deserved. And I hope that does not sound arrogant or not grateful because believe me that I do realize how lucky I am to be where I am.

So I shall continue to sit tight because I know that in 21 days the day I have been waiting and training for will be upon us. And I will possibly feel worse than I did today. And I will know how to handle it. And I will get to that finish line and believe me I will me smiling.

As I think of it my smile was somewhat absent today. That's not how I race. That's not how I exist. So I will put myself in check..... go to sleep right now and await my last big week of training from my awesome Coach, who knows how to pull the very best out of me.

5 comments:

Beth said...

Hey Mary! Sorry you didn't have the race you wanted. But I imagine that this is probably the lowest point in IM training and now you will start to come up through the fog and be rearing to go for July 20th! Okay to have a not so great race today because IMLP will ROCK! :)

Either way, congrats for the win, happy recovery and happy TAPER time!! :)

Meredith said...

Ironic how sometimes victory can actually be defeating to the mind....but you aren't defeated, you are just under the stress of high volume/intensity/emotional overdrive. Great job on the win, I miss Upstate NY so much, I lived in Ithaca and raced there for years! :( Miss the lake swims this time of year! Peace out and get some shut eye..you have bigger fish to fry (Hey, that rhymed! hehehehehe!)

BreeWee said...

Well done Mary, the day wasn't a total loss because you learned something right...? AND even though your day wasn't stellar you were in front and that made the 2nd place girl have to work hard and what athlete doesn't need someone to make her work hard... you maybe gave her a a new PR for chasing you, even you are your no-so-good.

None the less, you are still amazing to us....

IM here you come... and TAG, You're it!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mary, that is ok, you can't feel like superman everyday and IF you can walk away with a win, it is always bittersweet, but EYES on the PRIZE! LP! Jen H.

Missy said...

You are at the beginning of your taper right? I think at this point in your training if you felt gung ho for any race something would be wrong! And remember the award is not for your attitude on race day, it's for your performance. So good attitude or not, you performed! Congratulations!

Now if I could just do that like even...once!!