4th breakthrough of the week

Breakthroughs don't always come in the form of sunflowers and fast times, cheers from crowds and the popping of champagne bottles. In fact, they rarely do. The breakthroughs happen most often when you are alone with your own thoughts, your own demons, where the only one who really cares is you.

Sunday was a very different breakthrough kind of day.

Because I am wife of the year, perhaps the greatest wife on the face of this earth, I pushed my workout back until 2pm so Curt could get his long ride done. I might be one of the few spouses in the world who will clip their husbands into their pedals and then send them off. Not because I want to get rid of him, because I want him to be prepared for IMAZ. It will be a long plane ride home if he does not show up to that starting line prepared. Plus I really like the guy and I want him to do well (don't tell him that.....).

At the sunshine filled hour of 2pm I began the workout. On tap: 56 minutes of running with tempo / 30 minutes of cycling / 56 minutes of endurance running. Seemed pretty simple. Except for one thing. My legs. They didn't work.

As I began the run a car full of teenagers drove past, and I knew what was coming. The driver leaned out the window and shouted something snarky.... I couldn't quite hear but it had something to do with the size of my boobs..... which in case you wonder ..... are not small. But I am used to this, I dress scantily so what do I expect. It would have been funny except for the very cool teenage boy, who was obviously driving his parents shiny Escalade then veers into the lane and the path of an oncoming car. There must have been 6 boys in this car. The oncoming car swerves into a yard and the Escalade jerks back, luckily righting itself.

Really kid..... it was worth snarking at me to almost kill your friends and whoever else? It rocked me a lot. I have seen several children die this week due to car accidents. I view every single car as a weapon. Unless you have ever been the one performing chest compressions on a child, unless you have ever had to be present when parents are told that the child they made breakfast for this morning will never be coming home...... I'm sorry to be harsh but you do not understand. It's the hardest part of my job.

No one realizes how I carry that with me, how we carry it with us..... because we are Peds ED nurses. It's what we do. We do it well. The pain we carry with us is sometimes unbearable. Even my husband does not get it. You can hear a story about it, you can listen but unless you have ever been there wrapping your head around it is impossible.

So watching that near accident was the final straw on a very difficult week. The way I handle it other than using the Employee Assistance Program and talking with colleagues..... is through my sport.

Yeah..... it gets heavy. But that's what I choose.

I could not get into my zone 1 much less my zone 2 (tempo) when it came time. My legs were filled with lead. Barely turning over. After 5 minutes of tempo I had to back off. While my body and my heart rate were failing.... my Garmin claimed I was running 5:30's. I laughed out loud. No wonder I felt so bad..... I was running 5:30's ...... uh yeah....... two minutes later it said I was running 25:00 miles. Okay then, into the pocket that thing went!

Nothing specifically hurt. So when I got back I got on the bike for my 30 minute spin. I had gone from bad to worse. I hated every second of it. I just felt so Sh**ty. 20 minutes into the next run and I was laying in the grass.

Game over.

Done.

Finished.

I showered and laid on my bed for 30 minutes until the guys dragged me off to Wegman's for dinner. I was so tired that I didn't care who looked at my purple compression socks weird.

I wanted a slice of pizza. But I knew that my body was craving nutrition, I know that the way out of this wasn't through grease and sugar but through the nutrition that I had learned. A plate full of lettuce, onions, mushrooms and grilled chicken was the answer. This would put back into my body what it was missing.

An hour later it was getting dark out. I stared at my training log. I was not happy with that hole. I was not happy to not get that tempo in. Yes, I had trained upwards of 18 hours this week, four tempo sessions, breakthroughs all the way. I have a race in 7 days.

So I put my running clothes back on, and I redid the run. My legs showed up. It was dark. Holiday traffic was roaring. I ran my 34 minute loop + 2 loops around my neighborhood. The backyard parties were roaring and I was getting noticed.... the heavy breathing girl who keeps running by.

I was breathing heavy because I was nailing it. This is what it takes.... I told myself. I hate the word sacrifice, but I like The Wizard's definition of it. To me sacrifice is donating a kidney. To me sacrifice is donating your child's organs. To me sacrifice is doing anything you have to do to save your child's life. When it relates to sport I call it commitment. This is what it takes. I told myself. Commitment.

As I finished the run I smiled. That hurt. That hurt pretty bad. But I am not here for a tea party. I am not here for a back rub. I am not here for an ego massage. I am here to become a better athlete. I am here to achieve big goals. I have a really good coach, I mean a really good coach. I went to the top. In the beginning he told me he'd give me detail and it was my responsibility for me to give it back. I know he is not hurting for athletes. I know he has coaches that work underneath him who I could have been given to (who are just as fabulous by the way). But The Wizard took me on, because he sees something in me. I do not want to blow this opportunity.

As I was done the response I had was this:

You HAVE TO PUSH those runs like today. Bite your teeth down, have some caffeine, and do what it takes to get your HR up......this is really important.

Well done soldier.....I can now sleep tonight.

I actually believed that this might affect sleep. This guy takes his athletes very seriously. That's one thing you notice in working with Jesse and this team. He takes it personal. He's not afraid to push your buttons. He knows how to extract your best.

This morning as I wait for the sunrise..... I feel very good about my week last week. Great performances are built on more than one breakthrough week however. Great performances are built on getting the job done when you don't want to. Great performances are built with patience. Great performances are built on pushing through your limits. Not always in front of the crowd but in the dark of night when you can't quite see your watch. When you are not afraid to try it again, when you are not afraid to step out of the comfort zone.

After Pumpkinman we launch right into..... and I mean right into the push to Clearwater. Soon I will know what Pumpkinman will bring. I have a feeling it will be a controlled paced race. The good thing about those is that they don't leave me trashed. They leave me able to complete the next big week.

Because I didn't come here to win Pumpkinman. I came here for Clearwater. There is a time I am after and I am on the path to hit it. I am seeing the change within me. I am feeling the hunger pangs, like last night when quitting was just not good enough. When it was time for a redo.

Something is happening here. And I am excited.