Fifteen Forty

I will be the first to admit I become numbers obsessed when it comes to training. Set the hours and I want to top it. When I trained by miles I had to top it. Thinking like this has brought me both success and failure. It is a double edged sword.

I salivated when I saw a four hour ride on Thursday morning. "Already." I thought to myself as I smiled. "Already."

There is something exhilarating about finishing your first block of big weeks. I keep referring back to last year and the injury, and maybe that is the motivation behind this all. Or maybe it is that I love it. I loved to be pushed, I love to be challenged, I love to be dared. This is my prize and my pain.

I have an acquaintance, a male friend who constantly worries about what other people are doing in their training. He once told me it was impossible for him to nap because he worried about it so much. I think if I lived like that I'd jump off of a high bridge. This isn't about what other people are doing, this is about what I am doing. Give me a pillow and I am asleep! I feel pity for him, it is sad actually. What a way to live your life, so worried about a sport and who could beat you.

Everyone can beat you on any given day. And two days later who cares? The framed magazine articles, the medals, they collect dust. What really matters is what happens within you.

On Thursday at some point there will be a voice within me that says "Four hours on the trainer, forget that. It's been two, two is good enough."

My own resistance becomes my own opportunity. It's a rung on the ladder. Do I step off or do I climb up higher. Do I take the chance on myself, or do I give in? I will let you know how it goes on Thursday. Point being, there is so much going on within me, if I worried about anyone else, I'd explode.

Within those walls of my garage I find serenity and I learn so much. I learn how to disconnect from the thoughts in my mind and just be on the bike, in this moment of time, breathing and moving. Aiming for wattage and heart rates, it is an interesting world to step into.

We each have our own reasons for having this lifestyle, for being in this sport. There will be wins and losses, but shoot for your own 100% best race each time, and you will see the improvements. Focus on others and their training and racing, and you are setting themselves up to fail. Think about what Jo Lawn said during the IM Hawaii coverage. She said (as I paraphrase) that the women are always looking around, seeing where Natasha is. And Natasha, she races within herself. And the results speak for themselves.

:-) Mary Eggers