Today I Cried
If the Ironman were a person, I would be his groupie. The Ironman has created change, exhilaration, belief, doubt, disappointment, fear, happiness, satisfaction and hunger within me. Almost one year ago I arrived home from the office of Dr. DiGiovanni, my left shoe in my hand, and a Hi Tide Boot on my left leg. I remember walking into the house and sitting down in chair as my Ironman dreams collapsed around me. Then feeling guilty because I felt sad. This was only an injury, this would get better.
Slowly as I have sunk deeper and deeper into the ocean of Ironman training I have tried, best I could to not get my heart involved. Kind of like the relationship you desperately want but you are afraid to feel because you are afraid to hurt again. And slowly the Ironman is prying me open again. And then today something happened that has not happened in a year. Those of you who have been there know what I am talking about.
It started out innocently enough, my one hour run in Zone II. "Walk the hills if you have to stay out of zone III Mary" I could hear coach Doug' voice. Then he added "Be good."
Sometimes I run with my iPod Nano. I find music to be very inspirational. I hit SHUFFLE and started out. Heart rate 149. Good times.
So I was running along 15A, and I would like to almost send out an apology for anyone who might have been driving down that road today, because I honestly have no idea where I was running. I might have been in the middle of the road, because I wasn't in Henrietta at all.
I was running in Lake Placid and as clearly as anything I could see it, I could hear it, I could smell the sweat. I shook my head trying to dismiss this day dream, but I couldn't. I would swear to you that I was honestly there and it was Ironman Day. July 22, 2007.
"I can feel it coming back again....." Sang the voice in my iPod. "Like a roll of thunder chasing the wind...."
Uh-oh..... my heart felt like it was soaring and I felt like I was flying. Tears were streaming down my face in happiness and there I was.
I was at the bottom of hill 239.9, and I could see Rich and his Bullhorn, and Curt and Luc and all of the lime green Train-This shirts. (we call it hill 239.9 because it was the price of gas at the gas station there in 2005...... it is where Rich Clark and crew sit all day long with the megaphones.)
And I heard Rich scream through the megaphone "You can break eleven hours Mary! GO! GO! GO!"
And suddenly my legs were like feathers and the cheering lifted me up both hills, I could see Mirror Lake to my side as I made my way along the final out and back. I knew what was coming and I felt incredible........
And for the first time in so long I felt myself come down the hill before the Olympic oval. And this time I turned right into the oval where the most magical 30 seconds of your life takes place. Regardless of time for me it always happens the same way.......
The crowds are so damn loud, but all I hear is silence. Even though your finisher video shows you were traveling in real time, at that moment you are in slow motion. You round the corner of the oval and all you can see is people screaming........ and there is the finish line waiting for you. That thin banner stretched across the arch, representing so much.
Months of training, hours and hours and hours in each discipline. Pain, joy, sweat, tears, months and years of work comes down to this final 30 seconds.
And just like in previous years Curt and Luc are there, and we all take hands and they begin to run with me, still moving in slow motion.
And I know that Curt knows how grateful I am to him for enabling me to live this and reach for this dream, and Luc runs right along side me, in the two previous finishes I have carried him.
And as Mike Riley shouts it out my skin is filled with Goosebumps........
Some girls dream about their prom, or their wedding, and I dream about this moment right here.....
"Mary Eggers you are an Ironman!" He screams like only he can.
And as I break the tape with the guys, I look at the clock and see the time I have dreamt of, and I hear nothing but silence amongst the screaming........... and as the tape falls around my waist I fall into the arms of the Ironman Catchers as they drape the foil blanket around my shoulders and place the medal around my neck. I put the medal against my cheek and in the exhaustion, exhilaration and madness of this finish I feel the cold metal on my face, reality that I was there.
And then it all comes through in the form of tears of absolute happiness.
And all I can do is cry, and sob into my husband's shoulder "THANK YOU."
Suddenly I hear "Mar.... you okay?" I look up to see my neighbor standing in front of me, getting her mail from the mailbox "You look like you have been crying." I am back in Henrietta realizing I got caught in a daydream. I smile at her.
"Just out for a run."
I walked down the driveway wiping my eyes, wondering where on earth I just was, and realize the well is full to tap again. Ironman is waiting for me. I scroll through my heart rate monitor and realize I was never in zone II just in zone III, and I had run further than I have during an hour than I have in almost 2 years. 7.5 miles for a training day. Not too bad. How am I going to explain this one to Doug? He will never buy my daydream story, but it is true. I got pried open and exposed to my dreams. It might hurt, it might be risky, but today I cried, and I cried because of a dream that I dream.
I dreamt of my time, I know it is within me. Mybe in July or maybe in November. Today I saw it, I felt it, I grabbed hold of it. The layers are peeling back, and I am beginning to see the shine.
:-) Mary
Slowly as I have sunk deeper and deeper into the ocean of Ironman training I have tried, best I could to not get my heart involved. Kind of like the relationship you desperately want but you are afraid to feel because you are afraid to hurt again. And slowly the Ironman is prying me open again. And then today something happened that has not happened in a year. Those of you who have been there know what I am talking about.
It started out innocently enough, my one hour run in Zone II. "Walk the hills if you have to stay out of zone III Mary" I could hear coach Doug' voice. Then he added "Be good."
Sometimes I run with my iPod Nano. I find music to be very inspirational. I hit SHUFFLE and started out. Heart rate 149. Good times.
So I was running along 15A, and I would like to almost send out an apology for anyone who might have been driving down that road today, because I honestly have no idea where I was running. I might have been in the middle of the road, because I wasn't in Henrietta at all.
I was running in Lake Placid and as clearly as anything I could see it, I could hear it, I could smell the sweat. I shook my head trying to dismiss this day dream, but I couldn't. I would swear to you that I was honestly there and it was Ironman Day. July 22, 2007.
"I can feel it coming back again....." Sang the voice in my iPod. "Like a roll of thunder chasing the wind...."
Uh-oh..... my heart felt like it was soaring and I felt like I was flying. Tears were streaming down my face in happiness and there I was.
I was at the bottom of hill 239.9, and I could see Rich and his Bullhorn, and Curt and Luc and all of the lime green Train-This shirts. (we call it hill 239.9 because it was the price of gas at the gas station there in 2005...... it is where Rich Clark and crew sit all day long with the megaphones.)
And I heard Rich scream through the megaphone "You can break eleven hours Mary! GO! GO! GO!"
And suddenly my legs were like feathers and the cheering lifted me up both hills, I could see Mirror Lake to my side as I made my way along the final out and back. I knew what was coming and I felt incredible........
And for the first time in so long I felt myself come down the hill before the Olympic oval. And this time I turned right into the oval where the most magical 30 seconds of your life takes place. Regardless of time for me it always happens the same way.......
The crowds are so damn loud, but all I hear is silence. Even though your finisher video shows you were traveling in real time, at that moment you are in slow motion. You round the corner of the oval and all you can see is people screaming........ and there is the finish line waiting for you. That thin banner stretched across the arch, representing so much.
Months of training, hours and hours and hours in each discipline. Pain, joy, sweat, tears, months and years of work comes down to this final 30 seconds.
And just like in previous years Curt and Luc are there, and we all take hands and they begin to run with me, still moving in slow motion.
And I know that Curt knows how grateful I am to him for enabling me to live this and reach for this dream, and Luc runs right along side me, in the two previous finishes I have carried him.
And as Mike Riley shouts it out my skin is filled with Goosebumps........
Some girls dream about their prom, or their wedding, and I dream about this moment right here.....
"Mary Eggers you are an Ironman!" He screams like only he can.
And as I break the tape with the guys, I look at the clock and see the time I have dreamt of, and I hear nothing but silence amongst the screaming........... and as the tape falls around my waist I fall into the arms of the Ironman Catchers as they drape the foil blanket around my shoulders and place the medal around my neck. I put the medal against my cheek and in the exhaustion, exhilaration and madness of this finish I feel the cold metal on my face, reality that I was there.
And then it all comes through in the form of tears of absolute happiness.
And all I can do is cry, and sob into my husband's shoulder "THANK YOU."
Suddenly I hear "Mar.... you okay?" I look up to see my neighbor standing in front of me, getting her mail from the mailbox "You look like you have been crying." I am back in Henrietta realizing I got caught in a daydream. I smile at her.
"Just out for a run."
I walked down the driveway wiping my eyes, wondering where on earth I just was, and realize the well is full to tap again. Ironman is waiting for me. I scroll through my heart rate monitor and realize I was never in zone II just in zone III, and I had run further than I have during an hour than I have in almost 2 years. 7.5 miles for a training day. Not too bad. How am I going to explain this one to Doug? He will never buy my daydream story, but it is true. I got pried open and exposed to my dreams. It might hurt, it might be risky, but today I cried, and I cried because of a dream that I dream.
I dreamt of my time, I know it is within me. Mybe in July or maybe in November. Today I saw it, I felt it, I grabbed hold of it. The layers are peeling back, and I am beginning to see the shine.
:-) Mary
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